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Mayor John Mahoney and Police Commissioner Dan Polk have announced new measures promoting awareness and action on the issue of bullying.  Bullying is a community problem and we can work as a community (Parents, Police, Schools and Students) to end bullying.  The initiatives include The B.A.T.L.E. program, an anti-bullying media campaign, partnering with local schools and sharing research on bullying with parents. Mayor Mahoney said, it is a call to remind us all of our respective responsibilities, to reaffirm our desire to fight a phenomenon that some will say has always existed, but which we will no longer tolerate.  This initiative confirms our obligation to fight bullying and to help the kids who are victims, as well as the perpetrators of bullying.”

The planned media campaign begins this week, along with a guide for parents and information on the Village of Palos Park website on how to deal with bullying.

Police Commissioner Dan Polk emphasized, “Stopping it is everyone’s job, Nine times out of 10, bullying happens in front of an audience, whether it’s in person or on the Internet.  If someone steps in, two times out of three the bully stops. So it’s important not to be silent. This campaign calls on students, parents and teachers to do their part so that it ends.” 

Palos Park Police Project B.A.T.L.E. – Bullying Awareness through Law Enforcement.

 B.A.T.L.E. - Bullying Awareness through Law Enforcement is a comprehensive and community based approach to harassment, intimidation, and bullying.

 Information for parents about bullying

Your child has always enjoyed learning, but lately seems eager to avoid school. Stomach aches and mysterious illnesses pop up in the evening and seem to get worse as the school bus creeps closer to your street the next morning. It's possible the problem has nothing to do with how last night's dinner was digested. Your child could be worried sick over a schoolyard bully.

Bullies can take the fun out of school where bullying happens most and turn something simple like a ride on the bus, stop at a locker, or walk to the bathroom into a scary event that's anticipated with worry all day.

Children who are bullied often experience low self-esteem and depression, whereas those doing the bullying may go on to engage in more destructive, antisocial behaviors as teens and adults. Bullies, who often have been bullied themselves, may pick on others to feel powerful, popular, important, or in control. Often, they antagonize the same children repeatedly.

If your child is a victim of bullying, you can help reduce intimidation and fear by listening and offering to help. If your child is the bully, you'll need to emphasize that this kind of behavior is unacceptable, as well as discuss why he or she might be doing it and how to stop it.

The Different Ways Kids Bully
Bullying behavior isn't always easy to define. Where do you draw the line between good-natured ribbing and bullying? Although teasing resembles bullying because it can prompt feelings of anger or embarrassment, teasing can be less hostile and done with humor, rather than harm. Teasing often promotes an exchange between people rather than a one-sided dose of intimidation.

Although the black eye is a concrete sign that your child may be a victim of bullying, there are many different ways kids bully that aren't always as easy to spot:

• Cyber bullying a relatively new phenomenon began surfacing as modern communication technologies advanced. Through email, instant messaging, Internet chat rooms, and electronic gadgets like camera cell phones, cyber bullies forward and spread hurtful images and/or messages. Bullies use this technology to harass victims at all hours, in wide circles, at warp speed.
   
• Emotional bullying can be more subtle and can involve isolating or excluding a child from activities (i.e., shunning the victim in the lunchroom or on school outings) or spreading rumors. This kind of bullying is especially common among girls.  Physical bullying can accompany verbal bullying and involves things like kicking, hitting, biting, pinching, hair pulling, or threats of physical harm.
   
• Racist bullying preys on children through racial slurs, offensive gestures, or making jokes about a child's cultural traditions.
   
• Sexual bullying involves unwanted physical contact or sexually abusive or inappropriate comments.
   
• Verbal bullying usually involves name-calling, incessant mocking, and laughing at a child's expense.

Also, despite the common notion that bullying is a problem mostly among boys, both boys and girls bully. But boys and girls can vary in the ways they bully. Girls tend to inflict pain on a psychological level. For example, they might ostracize victims by freezing them out of the lunchroom seating arrangements, ignoring them on the playground, or shunning them when slumber party invitations are handed out.

Boys aren't as subtle and they can get physical. For example, boy bullies are more apt to insult their victims on the playground than ignore them. Instead of isolating a non-athletic victim during a gym class dodge ball game, they might take relentless aim and target the child throw after throw.

Why Kids Bully
there are many reasons why kids may become bullies. Bullies frequently target people who are different. Then, they seek to exploit those differences. They choose victims who they think are unlikely to retaliate. That means children who are overweight, wear glasses, or have obvious physical differences like big ears or severe acne are common subjects for ridicule. But the differences don't have to be just physical. Children who learn at a different pace or are anxious or insecure can also be targets for bullies.

Bullies may also turn to this abusive behavior as a way of dealing with a difficult situation at home, such as a divorce. Bullies might not realize how hurtful their actions can be, but some know the pain firsthand because they've been bullied or have been victims of abuse themselves. Some bullies think their behavior is normal because they come from families in which everyone regularly gets angry, shouts, and/or calls names. They copy what they know. And just like the children they're tormenting, bullies often have low self-esteem.

Whatever the cause, bullies usually pick on others as a way of dealing with their own problems. Sometimes, they pick on kids because they need a victim someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker to try to gain acceptance and feel more important, popular, or in control. Although some bullies are bigger or stronger than their victims, bullies can come in all shapes and sizes.

Signs That a Child Is Being Bullied
Of course, bumps and bruises are telltale signs your child has been physically bullied, but you can watch for other less obvious hints, too:

• inventing mysterious illnesses to avoid school (for example, stomachaches, headaches, etc.)
• missing belongings or money
• sleeping problems
• bedwetting
• irritability
• poor concentration
• unexpected changes in routine
• problems with schoolwork

Being bullied can also have long-term consequences, affecting the way children form relationships as adolescents and adults and even possibly leading to more serious problems like substance abuse and depression. In addition, bully victims are more likely to experience withdrawn behavior such as anxiety and depression.

How to Help if Your Child Is Being Bullied
Being a good listener is one of the best ways to comfort your child. Just talking about the problem and knowing you care can be helpful. Your child is likely to feel vulnerable while discussing bullying and how it makes him or her feel, so it's important to show your love and support.

If you find out that your child is being bullied, don't add to the burden by becoming angry. Although it's understandable to be upset, be careful not to let your child see that. Your sadness could be misinterpreted as disappointment. Be sure to validate your child's feelings don't minimize them.

You should also reassure your child that he or she isn't to blame. Explain that bullies are often confused or unhappy people who don't feel good about themselves.

Also consider asking your child thoughtful questions, such as:

• What's it like walking to the bus stop or home from school?
• What's it like on the bus ride to and from school?
• What happens on the playground during recess or before or after school?
• What happens in the hallways at school or during lunchtime?
• Have any bullies in the neighborhood or at school threatened anyone you know?
• Do some kids you know get emails, instant messages, or text messages that are upsetting, threatening, or insulting?

This approach might make it easier for your child to talk about bullies because it isn't as personal and emphasizes that other kids experience bullying, too.

Artwork and drawings or puppets may prompt younger victims to talk about bullies. Older children, however, may be helped by direct questions, like asking them to talk about their "friends" and "enemies."

But telling your child what to actually do about bullying can be another story.  A national poll showed that 46% of the children surveyed who said they've been bullied respond by fighting back, a solution that can just make things worse. Boys in the poll were more likely to say they would fight back than girls (53% of boys vs. 38% of girls); whereas girls were more likely to say they would talk to an adult than boys (32% of girls vs. 19% of boys).

The key to helping your child deal with bullying is to help him or her regain a sense of dignity and recover damaged self-esteem. To help ward off bullies, give your child these tips:

• Hold the anger. It's natural to want to get really upset with a bully, but that's exactly the response the bully is aiming for. Not only will getting angry or violent not solve the problem, it will only make it worse. Bullies want to know they have control over your child's emotions. Each time they get a reaction from your child, it adds fuel to the bully's fire getting angry just makes the bully feel more powerful.
   
• Never get physical or bully back. Emphasize that your child should never use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing) to deal with a bully. Not only does that show anger, but your child can never be sure what the bully will do in response. Tell your child that it's best to hang out with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.
   
• Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Tell your child to look the bully in the eye and say something like, "I want you to stop right now." Counsel your child to then walk away and ignore any further taunts. Encourage your child to "walk tall" and hold his or her head up high (using this type of body language sends a message that your child isn't vulnerable). Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and by walking away, or ignoring hurtful emails or instant messages, your child will be telling the bully that he or she just doesn't care. 

Tell an adult. If your child is being bullied, emphasize that it's very important to tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help to stop it. Studies show that schools where principals crack down on this type of behavior have less bullying.
 

• Talk about it. It may help your child to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend anyone who can give the support your child needs. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when your child is being bullied.
   
• Use the buddy system. Enlisting the help of friends or a group may help both your child and others stand up to bullies. The bully wants to be recognized and feel powerful, after all, so a lot of bullying takes part in the presence of peers. If the bully is picking on another child, tell your child to point out to the bully that his or her behavior is unacceptable and is no way to treat another person. This can work especially well in group situations (i.e., when a member of your child's circle of friends starts to pick on or shun another member). Tell your child to make a plan to buddy up with a friend or two on the way to school, on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess or lunch wherever your child might meet the bully. When one person speaks out against a bully, it gives others license to add their support and take a stand, too.
   
• Develop more friendships by joining social organizations, clubs, or sports programs. Encourage regular play or social visits with other children at your home. Being in a group with other kids may help to build your child's self-esteem and give your child a larger group of positive peers to spend time with and turn to.

If Your Child Is the Bully
learning your child is the bully can be shocking. But it's important to remain calm and avoid becoming defensive, as that can make a bad situation worse. You may have a greater impact if you express disappointment not anger to your child.

Because bullying often stems from unhappiness or insecurity, try to find out if something is bothering your child. Children who bully aren't likely to confess to their behavior, but you'll need to try to get your child to talk by asking some specific, hard-hitting questions, such as:

• How do you feel about yourself?
   
• How do you think things are going at school and at home?
   
• Are you being bullied?
   
• Do you get along with other kids at school?
   
• How do you treat other children?
   
• What do you think about being considered a bully?
   
• Why do you think you're bullying?
   
• What might help you to stop bullying?

To get to the bottom of why your child is hurting others, you may also want to schedule an appointment to talk to your child's school counselor or another mental health professional (your child's doctor should be able to refer you to someone).

If you suspect that your child is a bully, it's important to address the problem to try to mend your child's mean ways. After all, bullying is violence, and it often leads to more antisocial and violent behavior as the bully grows up. In fact, as many as one out of four elementary school bullies have a criminal record by the time they're 30. Some teen bullies also end up being rejected by their peers and lose friendships as they grow older. Bullies may also fail in school and may not have the career or relationship success that other people enjoy.

Helping Your Child Stop Bullying
Although certainly not all bullying stems from family problems, it's a good idea to examine the behavior and personal interactions your child witnesses at home. If your child lives with taunting or name-calling from a sibling or from you or another parent, it could be prompting aggressive or hurtful behavior outside the home. What may seem like innocent teasing at home may actually model bullying behaviors. Children who are on the receiving end of it learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.

Constant teasing whether it's at home or at school can also affect a child's self-esteem. Children with low self-esteem can grow to feel emotionally insecure. They can also end up blaming others for their own shortcomings. Making others feel bad (bullying) can give them a sense of power.

Of course, there will be moments that warrant constructive criticism: for example, "I counted on you to put out the trash and because you forgot, we'll all have to put up with that stench in the garage for a week." But take care not to let your words slip into criticizing the person rather than the behavior: "You're so lazy. I bet you just pretend to forget your chores so you don't have to get your hands dirty." Focus on how the behavior is unacceptable, rather than the person.

Home should be a safe haven, where children aren't subjected to uncomfortable, harsh criticism from family and loved ones.

In addition to maintaining a positive home atmosphere, there are a number of ways you can encourage your child to give up bullying:

• Emphasize that bullying is a serious problem. Make sure your child understands you will not tolerate bullying and that bullying others will have consequences at home. For example, if your child is cyber bullying, take away the technologies he or she is using to torment others (i.e., computer, cell phone to text message or send pictures). Or instruct your child to use the Internet to research bullying and note strategies to reduce the behavior. Other examples of disciplinary action include restricting your child's curfew if the bullying and/or teasing occur outside of the home; taking away privileges, but allowing the opportunity to earn them back; and requiring your child to do volunteer work to help those less fortunate.
   
• Teach your child to treat people who are different with respect and kindness. Teach your child to embrace, not ridicule, differences (i.e., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, and economic status). Explain that everyone has rights and feelings.
   
• Find out if your child's friends are also bullying. If so, seek a group intervention through your child's principal, school counselor, and/or teachers.
   
• Set limits. Stop any show of aggression immediately and help your child find non-violent ways to react.
   
• Observe your child interacting with others and praise appropriate behavior. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative discipline.
   
• Talk with school staff and ask how they can help your child change his or her bad behavior. Be sure to keep in close contact with the staff.
   
• Set realistic goals and don't expect an immediate change. As your child learns to modify behaviors, offer assurances that you still love him or her it's the behavior you don't like.

Getting Help for Both Bullies and Kids Being Bullied
A big part of helping your child is not being afraid to ask others for assistance and advice. Whether your child is being bullied or is the one doing the bullying, you may need to get outside help. In addition to talking to your child's teachers, you may also want to take advantage of school counseling services and consult your child's doctor, who may be able to refer you to a mental health professional.

Bullying - Tips for Talking For Parents
Here are a few tips for setting the tone on bullying discussions with your kids

• Initiate conversations with your kids about their school day. Allow them to talk about the good and not-so-good experiences that they have.
• Promote self-esteem and confidence by reminding your child of his or her unique talents and qualities.
• Do a lot of listening as one way of creating a trusting atmosphere between your child and you.
• Keep the lines of communication open.
• Questions for Discussion For Parents and Teachers: Use some or all of these questions as a way to jumpstart conversations about bullying.

Bullying and Cyberbullying
What's your definition of bullying? What are some examples of bullying behavior, both physical and non-physical?

How can some kids use text messaging, social networks, and other non-physical means to bully someone? Have you ever heard the term "cyberbullying"? What does it mean? How do you think that cyberbullying might affect a person who is its target?

What are some examples of aggressive behavior? Why do you think that some people choose to behave aggressively as their way of dealing with others? Do you think that this behavior can be changed? Explain.

Peer Pressure and Bystanders
Have you ever felt pressure to bully someone or to join in bullying with others? What thoughts did you consider before you made the decision to be part of the bullying or not to be part of it? How did you ultimately respond?

How do you think someone feels when he or she is being bullied? Have you ever seen someone being bullied? What, if anything, did you do?
Would you do anything differently if you are in that situation in the future?

What do you think the role of a bystander should be in a bullying situation? As a bystander, what response are you most comfortable with?
Would you help someone who is the target of bullying behavior? If so, how? If not, what would prevent you from helping? What do you think might happen if no one helps the target of a bully?

Responding to Bullying
Have you ever been the target of bullying behavior? If so, how did it make you feel? How did you respond? Do you think there were other ways that you could have responded? Why did you choose the response that you did?

What is your personal plan of action if you are bullied or see someone being bullied? Is there a staff member at school who will help you if you want to report bullying behavior that you witness or experience? Who else might you talk to about it?

Friendship and Respect
What are your thoughts on friendship? What is more important to you:
having a lot of friends or having a few good friends? How do you decide who your friends are? How do you decide to treat others who are not friends of yours?

How would you explain "respect"? Is it possible to respect a person but not like that person? Do you think that respect for others is important?
Why or why not?

What could you do to set an example of respect? How might your respect for others benefit you? How might an atmosphere of mutual respect impact a class, a school and a community?

The Internet is a great place to hang out. It’s fun, and lets you keep in touch with friends and family. Cyberspace is like a big city, with libraries, universities, museums, places to have fun, and meet people from all walks of life. Like any community, there are some people and places you ought to avoid and others you should approach with caution.

Teens are more likely to explore out-of-the-way nooks and crannies of cyberspace; and, sadly, they’re more often preyed upon as victims by child molesters and other exploiters. By knowing the dangers and how to avoid them, you can take advantage of all the positive aspects of the Internet while avoiding most of its pitfalls.

Parents, Note some 2008 Internet Safety Statistics

• 18% of youth MySpace pages contain evidence of consumption of alcohol by minors
• 64% of teens post photos or videos of themselves online, while more than half (58%) post info about where they live.
• 32% of all teens and 43% of teens active in social networking have been contacted online by a complete stranger.
• 69% of teens regularly receive personal messages online from people they don’t know and most of them don’t tell a trusted adult about it
• 23% of children have had an encounter with a stranger on the Internet, including 7% of children who reported having met someone in the real world from the Internet
• 79% of sexual solicitation incidents happened to youth while they were using their home computer
• 40% of solicitations began with a solicitor communicating with a youth through an instant message or IM
• 56% of solicitations contained a request for the youth to send photographs of themselves to the solicitor and 27% of solicitations contained a request for the youth to send a sexual picture of themselves

Palos Park Police Department Reminds You Be Smart Online Stay Safe in Cyberspace

It is fun, exciting and convenient to talk with others through the Internet or your cell phone. But the fun can be wrecked if you don’t follow safety rules. Experts say that about three-fourths of all kids from 8 to 12 years old have the Internet at home. Safety rules may be even more important there because school computers often have safety tools built in.

Tips for staying safe

NEVER give out any personal information, such as your address, phone number, or even the name and location of your school.

Tell your parents or another trusted adult if anything online or over your phone makes you uncomfortable.

If your parents need help, teach them how to do things online and with other technology.

NEVER agree to meet someone you have met online unless your parents will come along. Meet in a public place. Remember, people online or on your phone may not be who they say they are.

Never send anyone your picture unless your parents say it is OK.

Do not put pictures of yourself on any Web sites.

Don’t put anything online that you wouldn’t want your grandmother or a future boss to see.

Do not give out your Internet password to anyone, even your best friends. The only people who should know it are you and your parents. If friends pressure you to give them your password, say your parents have told you not to do that.

Do not install any software or download any programs unless your parents give permission.

Never do anything to hurt anyone else or to break the law.

More Cyberspace Safety Tips

• Never open attachments in an e-mail if you are not sure who sent it.
• If your parents have set up guidelines for what you do online or on your phone, follow those rules. Talk to your parents about the rules to be sure you are clear about them.

What is cyberbullying?

Have you ever been bullied? Unfortunately, almost everyone has had to deal with a bully at some time.

Bullying is when someone uses any actions or words to try to scare, embarrass or hurt someone.

Cyberbullying is when someone tries to hurt another person through computer technology such as:

• E-mails,
• texting,
• instant messaging,
• chat rooms,
• gaming,
• social network sites such as MySpace or Facebook.

Cyberbullying can sometimes be even worse than physical bullying. When cruel words or pictures get on the Internet, they can reach thousands of people. They can be out there for people to find for years. The victim could be hurt each time someone forwards that message or builds on that message and sends it on.

What to do

NEVER write a mean message yourself. Do not say anything mean in a chat room or when instant messaging. Once you say something, it’s out there for good.

If you see a bullying message, report it. Tell your Internet service provider, social networking site, phone company or other provider.

Report any bullying to an adult you trust: your parents, your teacher, an aunt or uncle, a counselor or a police officer. If that person doesn’t take care of the problem, keep reporting it to other trusted adults until you find someone who can help

Protect Against Cyberbullying

If someone has bullied you before, do NOT open any new messages from that person.

• You can delete any bullying messages. But it might be a good idea to show your parents first. They might want to show the police.

• If you see a bullying message about you or anyone else, don’t forward it on.

• Never answer a bullying message. • Do not retaliate, or try to get back at, the bully.

• Don’t write to anyone when you are angry. You may say something you will regret later.

• Block any messages from someone who makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason.

Parents think about some Facebook rules for your children

1. They have to have you as a ”friend” on Facebook”
2 . Adhere to time limits,
3. Use privacy settings, no outside viewers
4. Always behave responsibly -- as in no trash talking, cyberbullying, sexting, or chatting with strangers.

The bottom line is that there's a reason that most adult social networking sites set 13 as their entry age.

Parents did you know

OnGuardOnline.gov
Provides practical tips from the federal government and the technology industry to help you be on guard against internet fraud, secure your computer, and protect your personal information.

The federal government and the technology industry have teamed up to prepare straightforward, plain-language materials that you can use to help computer users be on guard against internet fraud, secure their computers, and protect their personal information. There are lots of ways you can use these resources, whether through your work place, community, friends, or even the media.

Here are just a few:

Cyberbully411
Created by Internet Solutions for Kids, is an effort to provide resources for youth who have questions about or have been targeted by online harassment.

NetSmartz.org
The NetSmartz Workshop is an educational safety resource from the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children that uses age-appropriate, interactive activities to teach children of all ages how to stay safer on the internet.

Police remind students, parents and school officials to be aware and report anything suspicious or troubling to law enforcement immediately.

Safety measures that could be taken include:

• Walking or transporting your children to school; if that is not possible, arrange for children to travel in groups.
• If your child is walking or biking alone, discuss the importance of awareness, not talking to strangers and heading directly to school or home.
• Have your child check in with you when possible.
• Avoid clothing that includes your child's name in a prominent place; if a stranger uses your child's name, your child might be more inclined to trust that person.
• Be sure to let the school know if your child is going to be absent and when you expect your child to return to class.

As in previous back-to-school seasons, Palos Park Police will have extra patrols in the area of the schools and will continue to work closely with principals and school district officials to help keep our community's children safe. Motorists should also be aware that officers will be enforcing school zone traffic laws in an effort to prevent accidents and injuries.

This is yet another example of authorities in Illinois taking a tougher stance on parents who permit this sort of conduct in their homes. The bill stems from numerous incidents of under aged persons becoming involved in motor vehicle accidents after leaving a friends house at which they consumed alcohol.

• Never Accept Candy Or Gifts From A Stranger.
• Never Go Anywhere With A Stranger, Even If It Sounds Like Fun.
• Predators Can Lure Children With Questions Like “Can You Help Me Find My Lost Puppy” Or “Do You Want To See Some Cute Kittens In My Car”.
• Run Away And Scream If Someone Follows Them Or Tries To Force Them In To The Car.
• Say ”No” To Anyone Who Tries To Make Them Do Something You’ve Said Is Wrong Or Touch Them In Any Way That Makes Them Feel Uncomfortable.
• Always Tell You Or Another Trusted Adult If A Stranger Asks Personal Questions, Exposes Himself Or Makes Them Feel Uneasy.
• Reassure Children That It Is Ok To Tell You Even If The Person Made Them Promise Not To, Or Threatened Them In Any Way.

Keep These Other Tips In Mind Too:

• Have A Current Photo Of The Child Readily Available.
• Keep Your Childeren’s Medical And Dental Record Up To Date.
• Set Boundaries About The Places Your Children Go. Supervise Them In Places Like Malls, Movie Theaters, Parks, Public Bathrooms Or While Fundraising Door To Door.